I personally don’t think we get over losing a loved one. To me it is more about learning to live with the fact that someone special to you has died. I also believe that that bereavement is not about ‘letting go.’ Because why should you? The love and the relationship doesn’t die, so I believe it’s about finding a way of continuing your bond, whilst adjusting to a world which they are physically no longer part of.
THE TONKIN MODEL
There is a bereavement model called the ‘Tonkin model.’ This explains that, at the start of bereavement the loss is completely overwhelming, taking over everything. This grief does not get smaller, but over time your life starts growing around it.
We are all different, and the relationships we have with others are different. So it’s natural that we will all grieve differently. Grief is unique, and does not work in a straight line, neatly passing from one stage to another. It can go all sorts of directions. I often hear clients say that their grief comes in waves; because one minute everything feels fairly calm and then out of nowhere a huge wave comes along and knocks them off their feet.
What I can offer
Grieving is hard, painful and overwhelming. Unfortunately, I cannot fix your pain, because I cannot bring your loved one back. You may even feel worse before you start to feel better as you work through painful feelings.
I offer the opportunity to speak to someone who is trained to listen, has an understanding of grief, and importantly, is neutral. I am not part of your family or circle of friends, so you don’t have to protect me from how you really feel, and I will not be offended by what you might bring to our sessions.
I see myself as a non-judgemental, patient companion by your side as you process and work through your painful feelings of grief along with any issues and struggles that you may have.
I can offer you a space where you can:
Talk about your loved one. Often when someone dies, people who mean well may feel it’s best not to talk about the deceased, as they worry it will stop the beavered from moving on. I invite you to talk about your loved one as much as you want to. I also welcome photos, videos, and any other special memories you would like to share.
Identify, explore and express how you are truly feeling. People can experience various feelings due to grief; such as anger, shame, loss, guilt, regret, relief, fear and powerlessness. None of these are wrong, and we can work through them together.
Try and make sense of the death of your loved one. Perhaps you are struggling to get your head around what has happened? Maybe nothing makes sense anymore, as the world you knew no longer exists?
Look at the adjustments you need to make due to your new situation and identify how you can manage. You may feel that you need to relearn how to live due to the new role you have; such as becoming a single parent, or responsible for the household finances? Perhaps you are worried that you do not have the confidence or ability to carry these out, and this is causing you anxiety?
Look at redefining a relationship with your loved one, where you can maintain a bond whilst adjusting to a world which they are physically no longer part of. I can support you as you adapt and identify how to continue a bond with your loved one.
Talk about how you are struggling to cope; perhaps you are drinking too much, but don’t know how else to cope with how your feeling, together we can look at more helpful coping strategies.
All of the above, and whatever else you would like to bring to our session is welcomed.
Grief is like the ocean; it comes in waves, ebbing and flowing.
Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming.
All we can do is learn to swim.
GET IN TOUCH
I practice from my cottage in heart of Flackwell Heath village, within High Wycombe. Parking is available.
I will confirm my address when you book your first session.